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timelessfree's Journal  I felt this yearning since the day I was born I wanted more than just to fly it's been the rhythm of an engine - so wild a driving force that ruled my live Ok. Around 10th of July i finally got my european visa. I couldnt believe it and i needed all this time to pass before i could post here and tell about this, otherwise that would be much too much emotions lol. So ive been in Europe for the first time in my life. In Germany. 25 days. That was incredible and was worth everything that i had to go through in order to make this trip. On the other hand it was too hard to go back. It splitted me into 2 parts, one of them is still there and another one HAS TO be here in Russia. Eh. Another practise in writing lyrics. Sorry for mistakes. In fire See the fire burning Licking chilly nite Reaching dark and yearning For an endless fight Blaze of the desire Flames of burning sin - Lite of sacred fire Source of life within Turns to the inferno Swallows the dark What becomes a power Was born from the stark Burning all the limits Melting the control Fire stays a winner On the way to goal So give up resistance Let flame touch your skin Follow your desire Quench your inner scream Listen how it calls you Covers with hot wave Fondles with warm touching Making you a slave Drunken with a smoke Blind with dazzling flames Now you've lost your control Fire starts the game You slowly squirm and moan Your heart beats like insane The fire gulped the border Dividing bliss and pain You now are in inferno Feelings scream and melt Lust plays with your body You've learnt how passion felt ... Morning lite will find you Burned-out and in pain You will forget the lesson When next blaze comes for game I was lucky to catch a cold so a few days i was at home and took medicions. I feel pretty strange. the thing i want most of all is finally to learn if i got fuckin visa or not and then to finish all this. Thats that case when u want to act but u cant cause u dont know the direction yet. Weird weather here, sudden thunders and lightings and rains every day and then its incredibly hot again. So im in Moscow now. 7 days in the train made me appreciate shower, home made food and the ability to move in a great way lol. i was almost deprived of those things while the trip, but its not a big deal finally. i even got some candies and cookies as a present for my b-day from the passangers who sat near lol. Visited visa office today, seems i'll have to stay here much longer than i thought, and i still dont know if i'll get visa. i can only wait anyway. guess the woman who accomodates me wont be able to stand my presence longer than a few days more, despite i try to be a nice girl lol. so maybe i'll have to find someone here at whose place i can stand before i finish that visa stuff. There is no much to do so i walk bout half of the day. i sure love this city, but its so hot here now that it melts my brain :) I like the central area, Arbat, Alexander park and Red square, there is a bunch of foreigns here all the time, i like to observe em lol. I also tried to get in contact with some american to practice my english a bit. they all seem too busy with making pics of the stuff around thou lol. Thanks for everybody who congrated me with my b-day, btw. That was very nice to read :) I leave for Moscow today at nite. 9000 kilometers (5580 miles) by train. Going to celebrate my 19th birthday on the road :) i love how James Hatfield asked the fans at one of the concerts of Metallica -"Are u alive???... Tell me how does it feel to be alive!!!" Yeah. Came across Merlin today, i was so fuckin glad to see him. Guess it was bout a year ago when we saw each other for the last time. We hugged each other and he said he hardly could recognize me, cause i had changed much and my hair had became much longer, so he recognized me just cause of my eyes :))) Nothing can be compared with this warmth inside when u meet an old good friend. He said his friends just left for the usa so he felt alone and bad, and wishing to move somewhere too. I answered i understood him perfectly cause the univercity is the only thing that holds me here, and i know i'll move earlier or later. It was so cold and rainy, we talked just for 5 min, and then parted. No exchange with phone numbers, no arrange to the next meeting, no contacts. We parted with wishing good luck to each other and hope to meet again some day. And it was okay, it felt right. It made me think how different we all r, and how fast life goes, and how much things change as time passes. We met just for 5 min but it added me so much strenth and hope. Its unbelievable how much simple meeting of a friend can help u sometimes. http://www.gmxattachments.net/de/cg this pic i came across in the internet suddenly made me feel special. actually its very easy to make me feel special just with some pic or photo or phrase or song. im so damn hopeless romantic (despite i attained real good skills in hiding this fact lol) and always give much attention to everything what is connected with art, beauty or inner things. i looked at this pic and imagined myself there, looking at the sunset, listening to the sound of the ocean waves, at that lonesome beach with smooth moist sand, somewhere in the usa... or maybe spain... and a couple good real friends in the car who also looks at the sunset in admiring silence... and i have a home and a job i love and im so much free, from anything and anyone, and can go wherever i want...And i dont need anything else, im just sinking in that peace, harmony and satisfaction that fills me. it felt so good, just beyond words, that natural happiness which was brought through my imagination for a few moments. guess i need to look at pics more often lol. or i'd better do more to achieve those things in reality instead of observing em on pics..oh well :) Nietzsche was so totally right when he said "art is given for people to help em not to die cause of truth". untill there is at least a drop of humanity in us, we'll need art. will need beauty. will need the opportunity to express ourself and to create something. i love any kind of art. they all have their special points. i tried writing, drawing, photography, music, design, theater. all those experiances were great, and im still into some of em. i cant go without it. few things can be more important than creative self-realization. i just came closer i didnt know who u were i all was into thoughts of life frustrated and unsatisfied in timeless search without aim i came to the dead end again i came across u just by chance and in a hurry gave u glance u looked so straigt, looked right at me u didnt wink, i saw just peace in eyes with depth of millions seas i was in rush, i lost myself in race for goals and for aims but at that moment i just stood u looked so special, looked so good i met ur look, sank in ur eyes i never thought u could be blind and when i learnt it, world stood still i couldnt believe ur faith, ur will i heard ur laugh, i talked to u that day i opened something new i saw u painted, heard u sang and u was happy - just blind man with meeting u i learnt so much i stopped to think and learnt to touch i quit to search, i looked around and realized that i had found |
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